1,260,703

In the last 42 years -- since MLK, Jr. and Robert Kennedy both died by gunfire -- 1,260,703 Americans have suffered the same fate.  That figure is more than the total number of casualties our country has sustained in every single war we have fought since our founding Revolution.  659,000 Americans have died in combat over the last 240 years.  Twice as many have died in one-fifth the time on our streets, in our homes and businesses, at our malls and theaters, and even in our classrooms.*

1,260,703 lives.

1,260,703 souls.

1,260,703 stories.

There is so much rhetoric flying around these days about gun policy and gun rights and gun violence and gun owners.  And all the while, there are 1,260,703 holes in the fabric of our society that no one can mend.  

Sure, some of those unmended holes were occupied by "bad guys."  Some of those victims were drug dealers, gang bangers, criminals, and losers.  Does that really make it OK?  Are we ready to abandon our inner cities completely?

1,260,703 gun deaths.  This is equivalent to three Sandy Hook Elementary school tragedies happening every single day for the last 42 years.

Remember what your day was like on December 14, 2012.  Remember watching the news.  Remember the horror growing as the magnitude of pain and suffering crystallized.  Remember hearing about the families waiting to find out if their children were safe.  Remember the stories of the teachers who tried to save their students and lost their lives in the process.  Remember the names of Noah, Dawn, Avielle, Benjamin and Rachel, and too many more.

Now multiple all of those memories by three, and then imagine going through that experience every day of your life.  That's what we, collectively, as a nation, are putting up with until we stand up and say enough.

Let's say it 1,260,703 times.

No individual possession rights are worth 1,260,703 human lives.

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*I got the statistics in this paragraph from Mark Shields, who cited them on NPR last week.  Here is a link to that interview

Joy in Sadness

The following conversation ensued when I informed the kids I would be attending a funeral.

First Kid:  "Mom, why are funerals always sad?"

Me: "Well, they aren't always sad."

Second Kid: "Yeah First Kid: Yours won't be."

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Ahhhhhh, siblings.

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Not So Fast

Time to stop the madness.  The digital, virtual, electronic interface is too much with us, and I, for one, am taking a stand.  Therefore: 

I will be live tweeting my upcoming week-long Facebook fast.

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A Little Something to Think About

Imagine what the world would be like if all of the thinkers, artists, creators, musicians, writers, poets, scientists, inventors and innovators who are currently spending their time and energy raising children, working 9-5 to pay the bills, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, driving freeways during rush hours, making meals, and finding socks for other people were instead spending their time creating wonderful, beautiful, life-transforming things for the rest of us.

...if the next great novel is trapped inside a guy who has to sit in a toll booth 8 hours a day.

...if the next great medical breakthrough is stuck inside the brain of a young woman who is working full time and still can't afford to go to medical school.

...if the most beautiful painting you've ever seen is hiding inside the fingers of a mom who uses those fingers to fold laundry instead.

I saw a photo on Facebook the other day of a coffee bug emblazoned with the words ART BEFORE HOUSEWORK on it.

I'd have to get up pretty early in the morning to put Art before Housework, and Work-work, and other people's homework, and food-work, and childrearing-work.  I don't get enough sleep as it is.

No answers here.  Just random ponderings.  And a wish or two that I could live just a little bit more ART BEFORE HOUSEWORK.

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You know you have a big family when...

...you are flooded with relief and gratitude by the realization that you no longer have to open a car door or fasten a seatbelt for anyone -- besides yourself.

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Pay Attention

"The greatest invention in the world is the mind of a child." 

-- Thomas A. Edison --

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I found this video on the internet today.  Everyone with a child should watch it.  Actually, everyone with a brain should watch it.

Yes, that means you.

Enjoy!




Just one of the brilliant nuggets:  The connections we pay most attention to will be strengthened while the ones we use less will be pruned.

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Welcome the Wild

It's a dark and stormy night.

These nights deliver my favorite sound, right to my doorstep.  Well, to my rooftop, actually.  When I was a child, my attic bedroom was a symphony on rainy nights, with a rushing creek right outside the window.  Now that sound of rain on the roof tells me that mine was a good childhood because whenever I hear it I feel safe and happy.

The bittersweet thing about rainy nights is that they really mess up our garden, which means lots of yard work is in our future.  That would the royal "our," since I don't actually do most of that work, but suffice to say, bad weather means someone around here has to work his backside off to clean everything up.

Today, I was sitting at an uncharacteristically clean table, making some notes about things I need to do, and I drew the curtain back to look out over the garden.  The rain was pouring out of the sky and the wind was mixing up the entire yard.  It was beautiful -- rainy, sloppy, slipping into mayhem -- but also wild and living.  On my to do list, I wrote:

Messy, soggy, damp and weedy,
Leaves and apples sinking deeper,
Rain and wind churn the earth,
Roiling matter and wreaking havoc,
Havoc where we once placed order, or tried to.  

One some other sunny day, we shall unpack the gift of righting it once more.

Some other day, but not today.  Today, I just took a deep breath and watched the wild outside my window.  It didn't occur to me then, but when I think about it now, still listening to rain at my windows and watching my garden go to hell in a hand basket, I remember this quote from Michael Pollan, which I've written about before:  "Relations are what matter most, and the health of the cultivated turns on the health of the wild."  

That seems to be the key to a happy life, a happy home life.  Somehow, we're supposed to keep right on cultivating the spaces around us and welcome the wildness that keeps it all healthy and vibrant, even while thwarting it.  

Now if I can find a way to see this same little nugget of truth in my laundry pile, there will be no stopping me.

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Let's Stop Kidding Ourselves

My son's entire school went to see the movie Bully this morning.  I highly recommend that you do two things: the first, which I did, is go see it.  The second, which I did not, is bring kleenex.

When it comes to bullying, adults are letting kids down in this country.  We are giving ineffectual advice to victims and kidding ourselves that "this too shall pass."  Kids and families need and deserve more than wishful thinking and crossed fingers; they need their suffering to stop.

I don't know what the answer is.  The first step, as in all such things, is awareness, so please, please see this movie.  Get your school or district to sponsor a screening.  Promote it on your social networks and blogs.  Get it out there.  Let people see what is happening in our schools and communities.

This movie is not the answer; a whole lot of people have to be made very uncomfortable and highly inconvenienced before we have an answer.  Adults need to pull their heads from their nether regions and do something hard, meaningful, practical and real to stop kids from hurting other kids.  This movie is only a place to start, but we need that place badly.

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I Get It Now

I was 11 years old during the 1980 presidential election. My family went to an Election Night party, which I thought was great fun, until I saw -- and was utterly confused by -- adults crying over the result. It was a revelation then that grown up people could get emotional over something like an election.

I get it now. I'm spending the day listening to non-stop no-news and choking back tears. I'm hoping for tears of joy instead of the despair my parents' friends felt all those years ago.

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Fun With Water Feature

We came across this picture last night as the girls and I were watching family slide shows.  I snapped this shot one lovely warm summer day; the artistry is Lady E's.

I love it.  It makes me smile.  I hope it does the same for you.

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And that is all for today, a day of deadlines and dashes.

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Beyond Me

She has done it again.

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It would be hard for me to convey the contempt with which my oldest child treats my fourth born.   It is certainly hard for me to witness how hard he is on her, how hard all four of them are on her, actually.  She is the one: the one who bears the brunt of the mistreatment around here.

And I've said it many times: it's a good thing it's her.  She handles it, almost always, with a detachment, a confidence, and a degree of spunk that means she thrives in spite of it.

That alone would make her a marvel.  But then, she does things that just leave me speechless.

This week, her oldest sibling is away on a school trip, an annual pilgrimage of our school's 8th grade class.  The trip meant missing Halloween.  Yes, he's 14, but he's got a sweet tooth the size of the Empire State building, and he would knock on Mitt Romney's door, if he thought he'd get some candy out of the deal.  So missing Halloween was damn near devastating for him.

Today, when we got home from school, I told the littles (the 6 and 8 year olds are home with me while everyone else is out) that since tomorrow is a holiday at school (WTH is up with that?), they could watch a movie after they did a little clean up.  During the clean up, I told Lady E to put her halloween candy bag away.  Here is what she said to me:

"But I was going to go through my candy bag and add to Sam's!"

Me:  "What do you mean, Sam's bag?"

She walked me over to Sam's door and pointed to his pillow.  Resting on it was a red cloth bag, patterned in skulls, clearly full of candy.

Me: "Did you make that bag for Sam?"

Lady E: "Yes!  And I was going to go through the rest of my candy while I'm watching the movie, and pick out more candy for him.  Can I leave my bag out so I can do that?"

Um.  Yes.  Yes, you can do that.   Why on earth you want to is beyond me.  How you thought of doing that in the first place is beyond me.  Why you want to be so generous and thoughtful to a big brother who is even meaner to you than mine was is beyond me.  Your goodness is beyond me.

Seriously, people, that kid is good to the core.  She screams and fights sometimes, she complains and sulks, and sometimes makes me want to slice off my own ears.  But then, she completely, totally, utterly restores my faith in all of humanity.

Given that I am a cynic, this is no easy task, and she accomplishes it with a simplicity and grace I am left to pray for.

She came into the world with that spirit, that charism.  Good to know that I officially don't have to worry about her ever again.

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