26 May 2010

Trying

I am tired of being a nagging mom. I am sick of hearing myself say to my kids: "Not now, I'm too tired." I'm tired of yelling. I'm tired of listening to my kids yell at each other. I'm weary of feeling like the tail is wagging the dog around here, and the dog is a big grump anyway.

So. I am trying to do things differently today. Two kids home sick...I'm feeling under the weather myself...one toddler-from-hell wreaking havoc wherever she goes. Everyone freaking out at the slightest provocation.

And still. I am trying to go gently through the day, taking time to explain things to the kids when they fight. Taking the time to find tape for the 5 year old, even though I'm writing a blog about trying to be patient and good, and would rather tell her that I can't right now. Trying to approach Mt. Washmore with the right mix of fortitude, efficiency and flexibility. Trying to do the impossible.

I think that's really the job description of motherhood: Get up in the morning and accomplish the impossible.

I just want to arrive at 8pm tonight -- hell, I'll take 4pm -- without feeling like I've been beat up, chewed up, spit out, run through the spin cycle, pushed through a wash board, and mocked by inanimate objects like my laundry pile, my dish pile, my paper piles. Everyone needs to experience success to keep them motivated and engaged in the task at hand: I need some success in the worst way.

I want to be the change I wish to see in my own family, but I don't know how to begin. The only ideas I have are to remind myself to breathe deeply and to drink water instead of another cup of coffee.

Help.

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4 comments:

Teacher Mommy said...

Considering the size of my paper pile and the level to which my procrastination has landed me in difficulty, plus the fact that I am barely hanging onto my patience as it is, makes me the last person to give you advice. If you figure it out, please let me know. In the meantime, (((hugs))) and many many pourings-out of empathy.

Sandy said...

Sometimes it's all in how you measure success. I once had a day where the only success I had was that my shoelaces stayed tied!

Cut yourself some slack and know that even when you don't succeed at what the world sees as success you are already a success at being you.

Momlissa said...

((hugs)) I have so been there. A day when having a second to change my tampon w/o someone bursting into the bathroom is my measure of success. Or washing my hair. Sad, but true.

Monica said...

Sandy and Momlissa, thank you for readjusting my thinking about success: that is a life saver! Teacher Mommy: I figured it out! Thanks to Sandy and Momlissa...