Advice Every New Parent Really Needs to Hear

People usually need to make a few life adjustments when they become parents. We have to change our language, perhaps, maybe drink a little less, probably watch more tame television. Rick and I have done all of those to greater and lesser degrees. But a few things have slipped by. So, in the interest of sharing what I have learned from experience, I offer this little nugget to all of you new parents out there.

If you, in your pre-child life, referred to kiwi as camel nuts or gorilla testicles, it would be wise NOT to bring these phrases into your home filled with small ears. Otherwise, you'll be at a huge soccer tournament, with mobs of people you do not know, or do not know well, and your five year old will come up to you gnawing on a kiwi, and she will announce, loudly and with a big smile:

"Mmmmmm, I LOVE gorilla testicles!"

Heed my words, people. If you do not, you will want to die of shame.

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Comments

Debra said…
Side splitting!
elayne takemoto said…
dying. laughing. only because this is so true. the male secretary at my kids school is name qui (pronounced kwee). why, WHY does my partner insist on pronouncing his name with an "f" at the end? one day my children will have their revenge and i can only hope and pray that i am far, far away when that happens.

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