30 November 2010

I'm A Bad Mother. Here's How I Know

Today's Five Reasons:

I made you do your chore before you could eat your breakfast, even though you were starving. I did this because you managed to goof around for 45 minutes despite your starving state, and I figured another 10 minutes wasn't going to kill you. You told me that I am so mean. Hence, Reason #1.

I let your sister whack you. Told her to, in fact. I told her to whack you because you have harassed her for the kajillionth time and no other strategy has worked. You told me that I did it because I love her more than I love you. Hence, Reason #2.

I am not letting you have a "free day" today. We will actually be learning something in a structured, semi-organized fashion. We will combine our learning with Tuesday Hot Dog day's pilgrimage to Top Dog and a trip to Codornices Park to hurtle down the cement slide of death. Clearly, I am a dictator. Hence, Reason #3.

I cannot stop what I am doing to help you find your bouncy ball, review your ridiculously long Christmas list with you for the fifth time, get out the hot glue gun for you, or heat up the breakfast you have left sitting so long it's turned stone cold and given you yet another opportunity to avoid eating it. I'm plain selfish. Hence, Reason #4.

I let you all sleep in until 9:30 today. Yes, that does cut down on the amount of death sliding we can do later on. What a bitch! Hence, Reason #5.

I'm sure I'll create five fresh reasons tomorrow. And I'm sure my kids will let me know exactly what they are.

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4 comments:

Teacher Mommy said...

Do I detect a note of bitterness creeping in there? /shudders

I don't know how you do it. Seriously. I know it sounds strange, considering I deal with 150 teens every day--but here's the thing: I get to kick them out the door after an hour or two.

IT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE.

Homemaker Man said...

I hate you because nowhere near us is a cement slide of death

Mandi said...

I loved this!! I have six and have had many of the same occurences!

GabrieleBriggs said...

Hey Monica, I laughed louder and harder with each reason!