We've all got that Facebook friend who makes us wonder: "Does he do anything all day long except post status updates? How does he have that much time to be online? And does he really think we care that much?"
Is he simply oversharing? Suffering from a little narcissism? Afflicted with an inflated notion of how much his friends care about his morning hot yoga class or the fact that he loves thunderstorms?
Maybe. But now that I've been using Facebook for awhile–and I was an extremely reluctant joiner–I understand the impulse. I am guilty of posting some pretty silly stuff, which is no great crime, but definitely a waste of time, mine and my fb friends'. We're all guilty of that, probably. I think Facebook is getting under our skin. It's getting into our psyches and starting to be something like second nature. It's changing the way we think: we now think in the structure of The Status Update.
Instead of enjoying a gorgeous sunset alone or with people we can actually touch, we rush to a screen interface and wax eloquent about how blessed we are to live where colors this beautiful grace our evenings.
Instead of thinking (and keeping) to ourselves that we're not sure what the heck we're feeding the family for dinner tonight, we think in pithy little phrases meant to amuse others: "Will have to feed natives again tonight, hope they like gruel."
Then, we wait. We wait for someone to tell us what they're making for dinner, or for an "LOL!", or at the very least for a 'like' or two. And then we feel validated. If we get no response, we fight the urge to delete the update, wiping away any evidence that our social network is ignoring us.
A life worth living makes a status update with a long and lively post thread.
But today, rather than risk being ignored by my social network, I decided to fight the urge to overshare on FB. Instead, I'm just going to channel all my would be status updates into today's blog post. Should be fascinating.
8:21 Remote controlled Christmas lights + unsuspecting children = hours of entertainment.
9:15 Is it impossible for a kid to open a box of cereal without shredding the top and annihilating the interior bag?
9:29 It only took until 9:28am for me to hear the first "OH MY GOD YOU ARE SO MEAN!" of the day.
10:07 My daughter just wrote the cutest note to "the elf" who is responsible for the Christmas lights going on and off: "To Elf, Please let us have more time to do magic." I am dying of cuteness.
11:46 ...is swearing at a rented rug doctor upholstery cleaning contraption.
11:47 ...is holding on to dwindling hopes of making biscotti today.
11:48 ...is eating chocolate. Still swearing.
12:29 ...is now swearing at the person who rented her this $@&#*!# machine.
12:36 It's official. I am physically, mentally and emotionally unable to remain or appear calm and neutral in the face of picky eaters.
2:05 ...thinks she could leap tall buildings in a single bound if she only had two children.
3:10 ...is returning the piece of $*#&! machine after discovering a crack in the hose.
3:12 ...needs a drink. Will have to wait.
3:14 ...yells too much. Is it a bad sign if your kid offers you a drink?
5:43 ...just got back from dropping a kid off at soccer, going to Costco for gas, making a bank deposit, returning the stupid machine, and appeasing the young ones with hot chocolate from Starbuck's. Whew! Just enough energy left for some hot yoga!
5:56 ...ok, for realz, I gotta feed the natives. Mac-n-cheese ready at our house in 45 minutes -- come on over! This ain't comin' out of a kraft box...
5:57 ...first: a beer.
6:45 Earlier today, my 6 year old said: "All I want for Christmas is a playdate!" So we're having her friend over this evening. Can I write DONE next to her name on the Christmas list?
6:47 ...another beer.
7:47 ...every hour on the 47th minute! Beer me!
8:03 What a day! Food, family, and fun! And lots of suds all over the living room from the broken rug doctor. Oh well: Christmas Day guests don't really need a clean place to sit, do they?
9:45 Time for bed! Nighty-night everyone!
When I started this post, I planned on only posting real stuff. I came close, except for the fact that I've never done hot yoga in my life and I didn't drink that many beers tonight. Oh, and the last time I when to bed before 11:30 was...I can't actually remember going to bed before 11:30. But it's all mostly true. And anyway, how can I be sure that that dude I went to high school with really did just return from a 10 mile run in the snow and is now sitting down with the twins for a game of Boogle while his perky wife serves him a protein shake?
There's a reason it's called virtual, people.
Now, before I actually do go to bed, I think I'll go share with the flesh and blood folks who live here. Maybe I'll even make them LOL.
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