Working With--Yes, that tiara looks great--My Kids Underfoot

Dear Carol,

Thanks for your--no, you can't have a cookie!--email. Rick would love to--yes, you can have 15 minutes of computer time if you are finished with your homework.--meet with you about your--no, 5X9 does not equal 50.--garden.

Oh, hang it all.

I would
Tallulah, stop spitting at Elizabeth.
really love to
I'm sorry you got scratched up in the thorny bushes, I'm sure that hurt.
go for two minutes in
Tallulah! Stop! You will go in another time-out if you cannot leave her alone!
a row without
No, you cannot have a cookie!"
being interrupted.
Am I the only one who can hear that infernal timer going off?!?!?!?!

It just might be
You can have a turn after her.
physically impossible for
I'm sorry honey, your time is up. No, you don't get extra computer time. They don't get extra time either. They get the same amount of time. No, you don't get extra time. Please unclench your fists from around my arms and remove your stomping, crying, tantruming self from my presence before I visit sellyourkid.com and post a picture of your beautiful face with the headline: I'll pay YOU to take her off my hands!"
them to leave me alone.

Sorry, Carol. I couldn't
Are you going to ask me the right answer to every single one of your 20 math problems as you do them? I would prefer you let me check them all at the end.
finish the email I started to you.
Fine, I will unlock the garden door. Just stop screaming.
If we don't respond, and you get tired of waiting,
Don't go outside without shoes! No, I don't know where your damn shoes are!
and you find someone else to do your project, and we all end up on the street because my children
No, you can't have any candy.
won't shut their pie holes long enough for me to do any work,
Tallulah, stop pushing him! And if you all can't get along, you will go to bed and NO ONE will watch the Dancing with the Stars Results Show tonight!
please toss some money in my sons' upturned baseball caps when you pass us
CAN'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE FOR FIVE MINUTES? STOP TALKING TO ME STOP ASKING ME THINGS STOP TELLING ON EACH OTHER DO NOT TOUCH THE COMPUTER AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SHUT UP!
on the street.

Either that, or come and visit me in the looney bin. I should be ready for visitors after about 67 days of total silence.

* * *

Comments

Teacher Mommy said…
LOVE LOVE LOVE this because it's ridiculously true and I can only imagine how much more true it is with five rather than two!!!
Monica said…
Yes, true, and this was with only four of them home! :)
Jen said…
I LOVE this post! Hilarious!
I fantasize about spending a month alone with some books and my knitting in one of those little cells that monks live in in a monastery - you know, a simple cot, a desk, a window - aaaaahhhhhh.....
Viv said…
Love it! Actually, I hate it, but, I love that it isn't just us.

I cannot, cannot imagine working from my home. You deserve vacations, Lady, YOU!

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