Waving White Flag Now

Here is what I am up against.

After numerous attempts to get the kids up and moving for school, I resorted to the timer. "If you're not dressed in 5 minutes, no soccer practice tonight." What ensued can only be described as miraculous, since no one who is as tired and immobile as my children were could possibly object with such force and vitality, were it not for some supernatural force moving within them.

They made the 5-minute deadline. Completely dressed, to the shoes. Tied. And then, I had to have an argument with One Son that went something like this:

Son: "It's impossible to get dressed in 5-minutes, mom."

Me: "But you did!"

Son: "But it's not possible. You can't ask us to do that, it's just impossible."

Me: "But you did it! In less than 5 minutes!"

Son: "It's impossible, mom. Don't ask us that again."

A variation on The Sky is Blue, No, the Sky is Green repartee.

And this: After voicing my profound displeasure at how long it took the boys to settle down the night before, and in true parent overdrive, driving home the point that if they go to bed too late they will have trouble getting up in the morning, I said the following: "I am not saying this to be mean or to make you miserable, but you really need to settle down at night when we tell you to!"

Son: "You want me to be miserable?"

For every parent that thought they would never utter "WHAT DID I JUST SAY!" in righteous indignation, I tell you that particular goal is a pipedream.