21 July 2020

Simplest of Things, Lost and Found

Last night, I made dinner!

One might think, what with a pandemic on and all, that I'd be doing this a lot.  One would be wrong.  In the beginning of this...oh, words escape me...let's go with DEBACLE...I did alright with the whole planning meals and shopping for them and cooking them steps.  All that has fallen off dramatically.

This is not to say we are not eating. In fact, in a stroke of genius brought on by laziness (perhaps the true mother of invention), I roped my daughters into each cooking once a week, and they are mostly doing it, and doing it incredibly well. So we are at least eating good meals two to three times a week, plus our usual once a week take out.  Add in some leftovers, and we're easily covered for about five nights a week.  Cereal, toast, and grazing take us the rest of the way, so what do they even need me for, right?

Well, after several weeks of shirking all cooking duties, I must admit, I was feeling a little...shirky.  So, I waded back into the rotation last night with a delicious meal, selected primarily by googling recipes that contained ingredients I had on hand. Here is what we ate:
  • Crisp Curried Chicken Fingers with Honey Mustard Dipping Sauce (from whence also comes the lovely photo at the top of this page)
  • Basmati rice (just plain; a staple here). Some of us, dare I say the smart ones, drizzled the dipping sauce on the rice, and ate the chicken, rice, and sauce all together.  I highly recommend this course of action.
  • Arugula Apple Almond salad, with balsamic dressing: so quick and simple. I made this up on the fly, because all the salad recipes I googled were fancy and had too many things not in my fridge. So I just chopped up the almonds and apples, and tossed everything together.  
This was a really good dinner.  It made me remember that sometimes cooking is a very, very gratifying activity.  But the best part was when Tallulah and Rick came home from playing soccer tennis, while I was still cooking, puttering around my kitchen with NPR on the radio.

Like everyone, we in the AIRY5 household are missing our routines, perhaps most especially our soccer routine.  For 15 years, we have always had evening soccer practices to go to.  For most of the past 10, this has meant every single weekday evening and some combo of kids and Coach Rick coming home between 8 and 9 o'clock.  Sometimes exhausting, sometimes hell on family life, the beloved routine was ours. When COVID-19 hit, all of that changed, and we haven't had that routine in months. 

Recently, we have started having some soccer trainings again, "pod-style," where the girls work on individual skills in a clearly marked space, distant from other players. They must take their temperature before stepping on the field; they wear masks until they are in their pod; all equipment is sanitized before and after, and never shared.  It's strange, but it's something, and our soccer clubs are working hard to provide quality training and a shared experience to families and players.   

But last night, Rick took Tallulah to play "soccer tennis," a favorite family activity.  They stayed out until dusk, and got home about the time they might have if they were returning from regular ol' training of days gone by.  Tallulah bustled into the house, smelling of the outdoors and sweat and carrying her soccer gear, with Rick a few steps behind her and the evening light fading behind them both.  

She stopped, took in a deep breath, and said: "THIS is what I miss! Coming home, just like if I were coming home from practice, and the house smells so good because you're cooking dinner, and NPR is on the radio, and I come in hungry and eat, and it's just like this!"

I hugged her tight in our warm and aromatic kitchen, so grateful that she gave a voice to those thoughts.  I didn't even know I missed those evenings too.  The virus has, these past many months, taken away the simplest of pleasures from our lives, but would we have recognized this mundane family moment for the joy and treasure that it is, but for missing it?

I'm quite glad I felt shirky enough to make that dinner.

15 July 2020

Three Minutes

My friend Janelle texted me the other day: "Do you have three minutes?" I did not, at that precise moment, because I was driving.

When I got to my destination – a soccer field, of course, where Little T was experiencing the joy of "pod" training (thank you COVID) – I texted Janelle to let her know that I now had three minutes.  Next, she asked if I was in a quiet place.  Yes, I told her, for once, I was in a quiet place, not surrounded by my boisterous, busy family.

I was in for a treat. She sent me a link to this video and told me to listen:



Three minutes of sheer beauty and joy! Such a treat, so welcomed in this time of chaos and anxiety.

I have listened to it several times since and shared it with friends and family.  But in addition to bringing me real joy, this brief three-minute video has also taught me some uncomfortable truths about myself that are not at all joyful.  

The first time I listened to it, I couldn't focus on it. I immediately loved it, to be sure, but I was also distracted. Less than one minute in, I was already thinking about sharing it, already crafting a tweet or a post about it, already thinking about how MY take on it would be received (by my very, very few followers, no less). Mere seconds had gone by, and the beautiful music was already competing in my head with noisy thoughts about who I should send it to, who needed to hear it, why it was important, why my kids should listen, and what kind of moral decay the world was in if they couldn't appreciate music like this.  It was unsettling to recognize that I couldn't simply sit still and listen to two incredibly talented musicians for three tiny minutes; instead, I was neurotically scheming about how to use this piece of art for myself.

Thankfully, I forced myself to quit that nonsense. Don't tweet. Don't post. Just listen. Just enjoy. Just be with the music. I am out of habits like that. I am in the habits of curating my responses for social media, thinking in sound bites, and anticipating notifications. Creativity cannot compete with such foolishness: I need different habits of being. 

Today, I deleted Twitter and Facebook from my phone, the number one places where I get sucked down into the valley of scrolling death. Yes, I'm writing this reflection on my blog: irony is a bitch in heels.  

The task in front of me is to figure it all out: figure out how to enjoy art and beauty, and how to create whatever it is I'm going to create, and how to do it authentically, and how to share it authentically. I think it starts with stopping: stop being on social media for awhile, stop scrolling and reading one-liners and hot takes and having nanosecond reactions to things that barely register before I'm on to the next thing, like some never satiated hunger that grows larger with every swipe. Stop being horrified by Trump, and racists, and DeVos, and anti-maskers, and whatever new horror comes along. Scrolling is numbing me and depressing me; it is lulling me into imagining that my outrage is my activism. It is not.

We must be able to take in beauty, deep inside: it is an act of self-preservation.  I wasn't able to do that with The Swan the first time I heard it. I will keep trying.
 

Never Enough Words

When I was little, in our house in San Francisco, my parents – the wonderful Larry and Rose – hung a banner on the wall. This was the 70’s: ...