03 September 2013

Sandwiched

I started an exciting and interesting new job.

My five children are now in three different schools.

I have a newly-minted high school student with his first serious, real crush.  I'm dealing with it, with a modicum of success, via red wine.

And I have a mother in decline.  I am not dealing so well with that, red wine or no.

If I didn't have the new job and the five children and the one real, new crush, I would focus solely on the mother in decline, and it would be hard enough, and I would be so sad all the time, and I would not know how to handle anything.

As it is, I am adrift, lost, a mess.  I cannot be anywhere without needing to be elsewhere.

My beautiful mother.  My kind, behind-the-scenes, nothing-but-kindness mother.  My full of good words mother.

What can I do?

* * *

3 comments:

Heather said...

My goodness. Please feel the love all around you. And reach out when you need it more directly. So totally here for you Mon.

wifemotherexpletive said...

Aw. crap. i'm sorry. My mom had radiation this summer and I'm not at all sure how she's going to recuperate. It sure does shake everything up. If you can, spend time....

Suburban Correspondent said...

Much love to you. My dad is confined to bed with a broken hip and his dementia has advanced rapidly since then. But he is 3 states away and I can't be there, if just to hold his hand. It's sad. I try not to think about it, but of course I feel guilty. We're lucky in that he has a full-time caregiver (who is a little loony, but still...), but I do wish I could see him every day. I can't bear the thought of his not being here anymore; it's not that we were particularly close, but he has ALWAYS been there. ALWAYS. Gah.