1. Have you ever stolen anything in your life (don't answer this if it's a felony still under the stature of limitations. Disclaimed)? YES. That is all I have to say on that score. Because the memory of marching back to the market and fessing up to the store manager about a certain purloined pack of Bubblicious Burst liquid center-filled sour cherry bubble gum is just too painful. Thanks Mom.
2. Can you read my mind? YES. You are thinking about your Lovey.
3. Coopon or Q-pon (there is a correct answer here)? Q-pon. Totally Q-pon. Coopon is pretentious and silly. Everyone knows that.
4. Medium rare or vegetarian? Oh, for the love of Joel Salatin, go medium rare or go home. I take after my daughter, who went sheet white when she heard that there are people in the world called vegetarians. The thought of never eating meat, well, it left her speechless. That is her Heart of Darkness: "The horror! The horror!"
5. How many angels fit on the head of a pin? Five angels fit on the head of a pin. And then they jump up and down on top of it and drive that pin straight into my temples. Actually, those same five angels (and I know their names and social security numbers) fit on the head of several pins, all of which are positioned around my head at homework/dinner/shower/bath/soccer practice time. Little known fact about angels: they like to torture the ones they love.
6. What's the frequency, Kenneth? I would totally answer that, if I had a clue what it meant. Alas, I have none, except a sneaking suspicion that it has something to do with South Park. And I disliketh South Park. Satirical art form that it is, I disliketh it still.
7. What does it have in it's pockets? A pair of tweezers, of course!
8. If you were ever sent to prison, and you couldn't get your hands on a spoon or a toothbrush, out of what would you fashion your shiv? The binding of a hard cover book. And no pulp fiction either. I'd choose something appropos, such as a collection of Flannery O'Connor short stories. My motto is, if you're going to stick a shiv up under someone's ribs, do it with a shiv made from a book containing this line: "She would have been a good woman," The Misfit said, "if it had been somebody there to shoot her every minute of her life."
9. If you could 100% ensure your children have one specific quality when they grow up, what would it be? The capacity for joy. (It was a tough choice between that and the ability to fashion a shiv out of a book binding, but see? Goodness always wins out.)
10. In order to save the world, you have to do seven minutes in heaven in a broom closet with either Vladimir Putin, Newt Gingrich, or the corpse of Elizabeth Taylor. Who do you choose? Well. Those are appetizing choices. I'm going to have to go with Putin here. Republicans and dead people are not my thing.
11. What is your desert island ice cream brand and flavor? Fenton's coffee ice cream. I could stay on that island forever. Except maybe if Putin were there too. Then I'd eat my ice cream and start swimming.
And now, The Rules.
The rules of this meme, for those of you tagged by me below, are as follows:
- You must post the rules.
- Answer the questions the tagger (me!) set for you in the post, and then create 11 new questions to ask the people you've tagged.
- Tag 11 bloggers. However, you can break the rules and tag fewer people if you want. Make sure you hyperlink their names/blogs.
- Let them know you've tagged them!
- Have fun!
- What do you want to be when you (finally) grow up?
- What is the last thing you read that truly stirred you?
- What is the last thing that made you truly, righteously angry?
- What hung on the walls of your home when you were a child?
- What's your pop culture guilty pleasure? Bad music, stupid TV show, cheesy movie...I'll start you off by admitting to being a Law and Order junky, with a particular fondness for SVU.
- Can you explain Justin Bieber to me? Please? Cuz clearly I'm missing something.
- Where do you never want to travel to again, and why?
- Do you support your local public radio or television station? Wait. Before you answer that, remember that you can open up a new window in your browser, click over to your local station's website, donate, come back here, and then answer with pride and integrity.
- Where do all the socks go?
- Wherefore art thou, Romeo?
- If you were to write a letter to your 30-years older or 30-years younger self, what advice would you give yourself?
And lastly, those who shall from this point forward be known as The Tagged Ones (pronounced The Tag Ed Ones):
- Mama Mama Quite Contrary
- Minivan McGyver
- 7, 8, 9, 10, and 11: tag yourself. Play along!
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