It's the Most Discombobulating Time of the Year
Things that seem impossible today: getting my daughter dressed...brushing my hair...finding socks...being peaceful...organizing my desk...finishing one damn cup of coffee...interacting with others without channeling my inner bitch...putting the laundry away...locating the mute button on my three year old...and preparing for Christmas.
Questions I am pondering today:
Is a muzzle an appropriate Christmas gift for a toddler? How about a straightjacket?
Can Santa bring me a martini? Can he come NOW?
Do I really need to get new tires and brakes right now, in December of all times of the year? If so, do you think the kids will be happy to find some Michelins and brake pads wrapped up under the tree on Christmas morn?
Where are my keys, my blue tooth, my cell phone, my nerves, and my tylenol?
If I abscond with the box of Trader Joe's Candy Cane Joe-Joe's, which will the children miss more: their mother or the cookies?
In the absence of matching socks, can I dress her in mis-matched socks, and in the absence of those, how about dirty socks, and in the absence of those, can I leave her here whilst I run errands in the freezing cold?
If I start driving right now, how far will I get by the Witching Hour?
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